28th August 2012

Post with 4 notes

Disposed

He was the one that I thought would break my streak. He was the one that I really felt a strong connection with outside of my primary partner for the first time in over a year. He was strong. He was dominant. He grabbed me by the throat and didn’t ask and I loved it. He left marks on me that lasted 10 days—and deep down, I was proud of them. He lived the same lifestyle as me—so I thought we had a certain kinship and understanding in that. He gave me plenty of attention through texts and phone chats and even more so on the rare chances that we got to see each other in person. He let me into his little world. The world that I so much wanted to be a part of. He said he wanted more than sex—which coincidentally is something he never got.

I gave him more than I have given anyone else outside of my primary. My submission. A piece of my heart. A lot of my time. And maybe even a little bit of love. Strangely, I think it would have hurt me less if I had given him none of those things and just gave him my pussy.

I am not a toy. I am not disposable. And I certainly deserve an explanation instead of being passive aggressively pushed out of someone’s life. I don’t think I’ll ever get that though and I have to be ok with it. In the meantime, I’ll take my heart back and everything else that went along with it. The option to have it is no longer an option.

Tagged: polyamorynonmonogamyneworleansdatingheartbrokendominancesubmission

12th August 2012

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Red Dress Run…sans dresses. It was way to hot for a dress! But, we managed to look awfully cute!

Red Dress Run…sans dresses. It was way to hot for a dress! But, we managed to look awfully cute!

Tagged: red dress runnolaneworleanspolyamory

22nd July 2012

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Backstage naptime.

Backstage naptime.

Tagged: burlesqueneworleansnola

21st July 2012

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Backstage naptime.

Backstage naptime.

Tagged: burlesqueneworleansnola

20th July 2012

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A beautiful memory. On stage with Angelo Moore at Voodoo Fest 2011. Photo credit Kyra Kiverno.

A beautiful memory. On stage with Angelo Moore at Voodoo Fest 2011. Photo credit Kyra Kiverno.

Tagged: voodoonolaneworleansfishboneburlesque

18th July 2012

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Because one day I’ll say “I got this when I was a burlesque performer.”

Because one day I’ll say “I got this when I was a burlesque performer.”

Tagged: burlesqueneworleanstattoopeacockpeacock feather

16th July 2012

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The dessert named after me. I’m giddy. It’s true. It’s a glitter boob. Perfect.

The dessert named after me. I’m giddy. It’s true. It’s a glitter boob. Perfect.

Tagged: dessertnolaneworleanssugarsweetblueberrieslemon

16th July 2012

Photo with 1 note

The dessert named after me. I’m giddy. It’s true. It’s a glitter boob. Perfect.

The dessert named after me. I’m giddy. It’s true. It’s a glitter boob. Perfect.

Tagged: dessertnolaneworleanssugarsweetblueberrieslemon

9th July 2012

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Clown fetish love.

Clown fetish love.

Tagged: clownharlequinburlesqueneworleansclassic

9th July 2012

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Good morning honey. I’ve met someone new.

Part of being poly is knowing that eventually, your partner is going to be meeting new people. In my relationship, my primary has typically partnered with people that he’s already known in the past. He was either friends with them first and then took it to a sexual level. Or, he had already established a sexual rapport with them prior to us even meeting and just continued it after we got together. The past few weeks, I had been encouraging him to attempt to meet brand new people and get to know them. In my experiences recently, the best ones have been with the people that I didn’t already know. And it’s not that his experiences had been poor ones at all—but he had kind of hit a stagnation and was looking for something new and quite frankly, out of options.

He was bored yesterday and wandered over to a neighborhood pool that we frequent. He met a girl. A girl that he had never met before. And is not someone that I know either. This morning I woke up to learn that he had been up for an hour and had been exchanging texts with her since he had been awake. It was a little jarring to wake up to. He hates text conversations—yet he had an hour long one with someone he’s only met once. Of course I was immediately a little jealous. But, I was still groggy and digging the crust out of my eyes when he informed me of all of this is one sweeping breath and I hadn’t quite had a chance to welcome the day.

The thing that I had been encouraging him to do is now a reality and is happening. They will likely go out on a date some time this week. This is how it goes. The ebb and flow of polyamory and striving day in and day out for compersion. I really am happy for my partner and hope that it goes well for him. And I don’t even have to reach really far down for that. Of course I am immediately greeted with some intial fears and insecurities. But, they aren’t that bad.

Each situation is different.

Each partner or potential partner is different.

And how I’ve reacted to each interaction he’s had outside of me has been different. I can only hope that it gets easier as the time passes.

That. Is. My. Goal.

Tagged: polyamorynonmonogamyNewOrleansdating

Source: thebellalounge.com