So Friday is the big day. After careful thought and consideration, I’ve decided to get my tubes tied. No going back now. I get a few raised eyebrows when I tell people this. Especially the people who know me a little more on a personal level because there was a time when I really wanted one more. I had wanted a little girl and wanted to plan a pregnancy and experience it in a positive way with a good partner that I was in love with. All that still sounds nice, although sort of fairy tale like, but I know it wouldn’t be a good decision for me and the people I’ve already made. I’ll be 30 in January. My oldest son is 10. My little guy is 6. In my eyes, these next couple of years are going to fly by and before I know it I’ll have an 18 year old and a 14 year old and be nearly “done.” (I know—you’re never really done—but you know what I mean.) By that time, I won’t even be 40 yet. I like the idea of being young enough to still enjoy things in life, hopefully still teaching (and maybe performing) burlesque, traveling, etc. I like the idea of being young enough to relate to my kids. I admittedly like the idea of sending them off into them world and then being able to send myself off into the world.
I figure that by the time I would meet someone that I would possibly consider pro-creating with, my kids will be almost done and the idea of starting all over with a brand new baby sounds exhausting—even now. In 3-5 years it will sound like torture. The night feedings, the diapers, all the stuff you have to bring with you just to be able to leave the house for an hour, more stretch marks, carseats, breast feeding, put the stroller in the trunk, take it out, put it back in again, spit up, colic…you get the idea. Why on earth would I go and do a thing like that?
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my children as babies. I have a lot of great memories but it’s an up-at-dawn-pride-swallowing-never-ending-labor-of-love that they will never understand till they have their own and quite frankly, I don’t think I have enough energy to do it again. It would most certainly also take away from the other 2 not only because my patience and sanity would be non existent but financially as well. I haven’t quite figured out why my money tree isn’t growing and I keep playing the Powerball but some other jackasses keep winning. So, unless one or both of those things were to happen, tie up those tubes please.
I look forward to sharing my life and growing old with someone, having my kids over for dinner, sharing our life experiences with each other, and closing my eyes at night knowing I was able to put 2 wonderful men into the world by making sure I didn’t make a 3rd or 4th. That sounds pretty good to me.
Consider this my contribution to humanity by not further populating the planet. All hail sterility.
